


Ocean

by SadCrimsonEyes



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complete, Eventual Fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, Near is a creep, Ocean, Torture, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 19:34:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15298521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadCrimsonEyes/pseuds/SadCrimsonEyes
Summary: Deep in his mind, Near knew that he couldn't stand a chance against Mello under the rules of the real world. Now forced to play outside of the safe confines of the orphanage, he finds the one and only way to get under Mello's skin.Note: Matt, Mello, Near and Gevanni are characters from the manga 'Death Note'. I'm in no way affiliated with that franchise.





	1. Chair

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please read the tags. This story is very dark and Matt will suffer horribly.

He had made some blunder, it seemed. Matt had been arrested like a petty criminal, and after a long drive around NYC and the feeling of handcuffs digging into his skin, he just wanted to be left alone in some holding cell. The men handled him roughly as he was being walked thru what he believed was the police headquarters. Yet when the heavily armed officers opened the door at the end of the corridor, the redheaded hacker began struggling frantically, his eyes suddenly full of panic, bile rising in his stomach.

In the center of the round room a metal chair was bolted to the floor under a bright spotlight, with various leather straps attached to it. It looked like in some bad grindhouse movie, but still, it was painfully real, as Matt was dragged towards the dreaded chair, struggling with everything the frail figure had to offer, until a truncheon crashed into his ribs.

The men stripped him of his clothing, making the poor hacker feel much more vulnerable as he was strapped into the chair. Thick and tight leather straps held his ankles, his wrists, his chest and his neck. He couldn't move one millimetre and after the policemen had left him, he began to sob and whimper. Only a single blow so far, only a single one. The skin where he was hit turned blue, then fading in an unhealthy shade of green. He wouldn't be surprised if one of his ribs were broken.

Matt hated pain. Both emotional and physical, and he was not sure which of them was more dreadful. Sure, he had cut occasionally, to numb the pain after Mello had left him back at Wammy's orphanage, but it was all gone and forgotten after he had found his lover in the ruins of his old Mafia hideout. But he knew physical pain as well, from the occasional bullying when Mello wasn't fast enough to safe him from his tormentors. And they were creative. Painfully creative when it came to break him without causing visible damage or evidence.

The old, painful memories crept back into his mind, but he knew that whatever waited for him now, it would be far more cruel and horrible than everything he had to endure as a child. He was shivering of panic, hearing the blood roaring in his ears. And he knew that he would be spilling everything. He couldn't endure pain anymore, much less real torture, and hated himself for being such a wimpy coward.

After what seemed like an eternity, he couldn't even cry anymore, all the tears had been shed. Forced to sit on the uncomfortable and cold metal chair, the hacker gazed into the distance. With all his willpower he begged the universe to let him die now, cursing the day he was born, cursing his life, the world, humanity, everything which sprang to his mind. For Matt, it was a nightmare, one of which he could never awake from.


	2. Alone

"Please leave us alone, Gevanni.", Matt heard a distant voice say. Due to the blindingly bright spotlight over him, he could not see anything.

So it would finally start...

"Mail Jeevas.", a cold, monotone voice stated. "You have been brought to this room because you will tell us everything we would like to know about Miheal Keehl."

That was it. They wanted to know about Mello. They knew about Mello. Matt silently prayed to a god he didn't believe in to save him from what was bound to happen. He would scream in pain and then betray his best friend, his lover, by telling his captors what they wanted to know.

But Matt could not betray Mello. He tried to assure himself that he would hold out. That they wouldn't break him. That at least Mello would stay safe.

The conflict rising in the hacker's mind was even worse than the anticipated torture. He couldn't stand pain. He couldn't even stand being at the dentists office, and Mello had to hold the hand of the whimpering redhead every single time. But he couldn't betray the very center of his insignificant existence either. Mello was everything. Mello cared. Mello loved. Loved him, the awkward and shy nerd. 'If I betray him, he will leave me again, forever, dump me like a broken toy...', a voice inside Matt's mind repeated over and over and over.

The redheaded hacker was shivering, both of panic and because it was cold in this room. The temperature had to be fairly low, maybe 50F. But it wasn't only physically cold... everything was made of shiny metal. The floor, the walls, the ceiling, everything, just as if someone had stripped this whole building of every human emotion. It was like... but he didn't want to continue that train of thought. And he, the shy nerd, was right in the center of a big, round room, right under the spotlight, like an insect under a magnifiyng glass. He felt as if this whole room was specifically constructed to deter him, to make his worst fears become true. Matt tried to make himself as small as possible.

A small figure stepped out of the shadow. Dressed in white pyjamas and with white hair, he looked like a ghost. Matt's eyes grew wide as he saw his tormentor. He did not want to believe what he was seeing.

"Near.", he gasped. "Near. This isn't funny. Can you get me out of this chair please? Let us talk like normal people. Please..."

"Mail will tell us everything he knows about Mello. We have the means to make him say what we want to hear, though we would prefer to go without these measures.", the white figure stated. Cold. Monotone. Creepy.

Matt squirmed in his seat. "Near! Why!? What do you want?"

"I have come to the conclusion that Mello's actions are endangering the Kira investigation. He will be detained indefinitely, because after his ruthless actions and his ties with certain criminal elements he can not be trusted with the secrets he holds anymore. The same applies to Mail after we are finished here. I am positive that Mail will make this as short as possible with his cooperation.", Near stated, as if it was a fact.

"Fuck off you creep! You are insane! I knew it, twit!", Matt screamed on the top of his lungs, fear and rage taking the better of him, as Near made a step forward. He had never really understood Mello's hate for Near, but now he could hold a grasp of it. Near was cold. Devoid of emotion. He would do anything to get what he wanted, even...

Near reached into the dark and showed Matt a thin wooden stick. The hacker raised a brow.

"The pike of this stick is coated with Capsacain. I am positive that Mail is aware of my keen interest in human anatomy. If he tells us where Mello's hideout is, he can still avoid his treatment.", the creepy albino said calmly.

Matt knew only this much: It would hurt badly. The panic was now back, he shuddered awfully, but still managed to shake his head. He couldn't betray Mello. His lover trusted him. He had to endure this. He just had to, even if it was going to be living hell. The big, round, dark eyes in front of him gave Matt the creeps. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but there was nothing there. Nobody home. No sympathy, no love, no mercy.

The stick was slowly lowered to his forearm, and then, without warning, jabbed in the muscle. Matt gasped in pain as his skin was broken and frantically struggled against his bonds. At first, the redhead did not feel anything, apart from a dull pain where the wooden stick stuck out of his arm, but after mere second the sharp substance started to do it's work, reaching the oversensitive, ripped nerve-endings in Matt's arm.

It was so diabolically simple, but after mere seconds the poor hacker couldn't hold it anymore. The feeling got worse and worse, as if a cigarette or a soldering iron was twisted in his forearm, but soon the cigarette became a glowing iron rod, then a blow torch...

Inhuman, animalic screams filled the room, echoing back and forth, bouncing off the curved walls. Everything, everything was searing hot agony, the whole galaxy filled with it, and then, spilling over, filling the whole universe. Matt saw only stars and white streaks, hearing his own desperate screams, but he was so detached already that he didn't realize that he was hearing himself.

The hacker just wanted it to stop, he would betray his friend, he would betray everyone, stomp with his boots on cute kittens or even human babies. Everything. Everything to make the pain go away. And between the swirling white halluscinations, he saw big, curious eyes, dead eyes, watching him without pity, without mercy. Just watching, gazing at his pain, at his agony.

Soon, he could not scream anymore, his lungs burning like fire. Terrible, hoarse groans escaped his mouth, mixed with loud sobs and something which sounded like a name, screamed in the giving out voice of a man who's will to live was shattered to pieces.

"Mello."

He would come, he would save him from this monster, from the pain, Mello would hold him and never let go. He-

Matt passed out.

As he was slowly becoming conscious again, Near was still gazing at him curiously. "Is Mail now ready to cooperate with us?"

The hacker, unable to speak, just shook is head.

"Then more sensitive places will now be covered.", the dead, monotone voice said.

As the sticks were jabbed into more delicate parts of his body, the hacker just waited for the pain to come.

Just as Matt couldn't hold it anymore, unable to scream, just engulfed in mind shattering agony, his mind slipping away into peaceful unconsciousness, the last thing he heard was a dull explosion.


	3. Broken

Mello had been caressing the unconscious body of his lover the whole day, praying to his god that he please make wake him up. Matt was twitching occasionally, as if he had a nightmare, and each time it happened the blonde mobster hugged his redheaded friend tightly.

In the evening, Matt slowly began to open his eyes, gazing around with an unfocused, mute stare. Mello jumped to the bed. The hacker, however, immediately began to struggle viciously, screaming "No! Get away! No! Ahhh!".

"Matt! MATT! You're safe! You're safe. This is Mello. Matty...", the blonde boy yelled in panic in a doomed attempt to calm down his beautiful Matt.

The hacker just pulled his legs to his chest, rocking back and forth and occasionally scratching his skin. "Don't touch me. Please don't touch me. No no no...", Matt whispered, breathing heavily and shaking his head.

"My god. What did that bastard do to you?", Mello said with a cracked voice, tears running from his eyes. Without knowing what he did, he took one of Matt's cigarettes and lighted it, taking a careful drag and almost choking on it.

The blonde mafioso sat on the floor, silently crying over the whimpering mess that was his boyfriend, smoking the cigarette he hated so much. The redheaded hacker was everything for him. He loved him unconditionally, everything about him, but often he wasn't able to show it. His beautiful eyes, his goofy smile, his humour, and how he could ground him everytime just so, just by being around. And Mello knew that this shy, laid back boy had been through so much pain already... that this, whatever was done to him, was unforgivable. He had never seen Matt like this. His beautiful hacker, his only friend was broken, and it hurt terribly seeing him like that. The ex-mobster had seen a lot of things, too much even, but this was something he couldn't handle.

Mello buried his face into the sheets and sobbed loudly. "I'm so sorry, Matty... I'm so sorry... I should have protected you better, it was my fault, my fault..."

"No...", terribly cracked and hoarse voice said. Looking up, Mello saw a trembling hand reach out for him. "Not... not your fault. Not...", Matt stuttered.

And Mello carefully took the hand offered to him.

The two boys sat in silence for an indefinite time, Mello on the floor, Matt on the bed, just holding hands.

"Come.... pl-please. H-hold me.", Matt's hoarse, cracked voice managed to say.

Mello slowly went into the bed and hugged his friend tightly. Matt clutched to his lover, holding him weakly, tears running from his swollen eyes.

"Nnn.. Near...", Matt tried to speak. "He... he tt-t... asked questions, 'bout you. But... told nothing. Angry... he..."

The hacker barely managed to get the words out, before bursting in tears again, sobbing horribly.

"Shhh. Matty. It's over. It's over.", Mello whispered into the redhead's ear, while anger took hold of him. He had heard enough. He knew what Near, that disgusting, sheepy excuse for a detective, had done to his Matty.

"Don't leave me. I... I am scc... scared. Scared, M.. Mmm. Mello", the hacker sobbed, his face wet and sticky from crying. "Dd. Don't. Don't go."

"I will never leave you again.", Mello whispered into the broken man's ear.


	4. Ocean

Matt's recovery was slow and painful, and he wouldn't say anything about what really happened at the SPK headquarters. Mello often disappeared in the bathroom, crying silently over what had happened. That he had sent his beautiful friend onto the mission, that he took so long to rescue him, that he hadn't treated him particularly well before. And most of all, he cryed over the fact that his Matty was changed, broken, his childish smile deeply buried under the ruins of his shattered soul.

He didn't touch his videogames anymore, and if at all, he put them down quickly. Often, he would just stare into the distance at nothing in particular, zoned out. He was eating almost nothing anymore, becoming more frail and quite often, he was shivering, even when it was warm. It was horrible, the blonde was always on the brink of tears.

Sometimes, Mello would beat the wall until his knuckles were smeared with blood. He hated himself. He hated the world. He hated that something like this always seemed to happen to the good guys.

After about two months, he got a text message on his phone. It was a single line, from an unknown number.

**"I will find you. And him."**

Mello knew that it was Near. He knew that he was on their tail, that he would get them. Matt had asked what had happened, as he had clearly heard the message ding, but Mello shrugged it off. "Nothing important", he had said. But he was sure that Matt knew that it was Near.

Matt needed treatment. A therapy. Medication. But as both were wanted criminals, there was only so much he could do. As he couldn't watch the misery of his lover anymore, Mello bought 5000 USD worth of heroin. He would never tell what it was that he was injecting the hacker, and at the first time Matt had struggled viciously as he saw the syringe. As he had slowly injected the brown fluid into his lovers veine, he was disgusted with himself. But Mello just couldn't see the agony anymore. Only a small amount was needed, and his Matty became much more calm, as the mental scars stopped itching for some hours. The supply would last years, and as long as Matt could sleep at least somewhat peaceful, without constantly waking up from nightmares, screaming in horror, it was probably worth it.

After another month, Mello decided that he was done with it all. He couldn't hear the name Kira anymore, nor would he want to think of Near, or L, or Wammy's House. Matt only noticed that his friend was praying much more often than before.

Without much of an explanation, Mello had packed the belongings of both himself and Matt and dragged him off to the airport. Matt had asked constantly where they would be going to, and after a while, Mello would say, tears in his eyes: "We're going home, Matt. Home."

Matt just followed along, trusting Mello more than himself, like he had always done. And Mello promised to his God that this time, this time alone, it would be worthwhile for his dear Matty.

Done with cases, with his old life, with everything, Mello had Matt brought to his old home, Germany, using a big part of his remaining money to buy an old lighthouse on Helgoland, a small island in the Northsea. Mello had took upon a job at the local school as a teacher, making enough money to bring both himself and his Matty through.

Often, they would just sit in silence at the window, calmly watching the ocean outside, with the occasional ship passing by. Matt felt at ease and asked for the syringe less and less, until it was completely forgotton.

After some years, as Matt became slowly more lively, a hint of a smirk returning to his face, the scars on his soul fading away, Mello knew that it had been worth it. That he had his Matty, and Matt had his Mello, the world not knowing that they were still alive, watching the ocean and hugging each other, Matt with a cigarette in hand and Mello with a steaming mug of cocoa.

The nightmare was finally over.

And Mello knew that Near would burn in hell for what he had done to the innocent redhead sitting nearby. No revenge was needed. He just had to wait.


End file.
